"I'll Never Let Go of Your Hand..."
Day 2_DAVAO
M_'s Birthday
6th of October
Event: White Water Rafting_Davao River

It was too hard for me to sleep... Namahay ba ako? I don't think so... Anyways, I think I had mild asthma attack... Goodness... Ganito yata talaga ako... Nung first time ko rin na magpunta sa inyo, in-asthma din ako ng first day... I think stressed out ako... Hmmm... Expectations...- can be very very stressful...

So I got up at 6:00 and took a bath... You were already preparing for breakfast. Was I able to greet you a happy birthday before I took a bath? I can't remember... probably during breakfast... hmmm...

I think you were pretty excited to do the WR... You were too worried that we won't be able to hail a cab... Bumili ka pa ng bonamin for anti-biyahilo sa kapitbahay na 'di halatang may tindahan at na kailangan pang itawag mo muna na bibili ka... wow! grabe... magtayo kaya ako ng sari-sari store sa village n'yo?Ü so 'yun... sumakay pa tayo ng tri-sikad (pedicab) kahit na ang lapit na lang ng lalakarin natin pa-highway... at habang umaandar pa ang tri-sikad natin, kumakaway ka na ng taxi hahahaha! sobra ang excitement mo... as in!

It took us about 20 minutes to reach the crocodile park - pick up point ng water rafting team... wow! we were too early i guess...Mga staff pa lang ng crocodile park ang andun... wala ni isang anino ng water rafting organizer... so 'yun... stroll muna tayo...sa park

medyo sumama lang ang loob ko... you didn't want your pictures taken... di na rin ako nagpakuha... so wala me souveneir shots ng sarili ko dun... di bale oks lang... sanay na naman ako...

tawa ka nang tawa sa akin ng tumili/sumigaw ako (konti lang naman) nung biglang sumampa yung crocodile from the water dun sa gilid ng pool (pond ba yun)... i really am not into reptiles... literally and figuratively... sobrang ayoko sa kanila... anyways... so yun... i think i thought you were tired already 'coz we've been circling around the park for almost an hour... i took some pictures of the animals... the ostrich, the cats & the crocs... i took some pictures of you too... 'yung nakatalikod nga lang para di obvious...

our companions arrived at around 9am i think... then after 15 minutes or so, dumating na yung organizers/guides natin... we filled up our registration forms [i used your home address and indicated your mom as my guardian]. we were briefed and de-briefed on how water rafting is done.. we were provided the gears, the keys to the lockers and bottled waters... our team mates were jen and andrew - siblings from kalookan (of chinese descent sabi mo)... the other team was composed of four "barkadahan" 3 Filipinas and a man of different nationality... mukhang dehado ang team natin... malamya si andrew e... pareho pala sila... kinakabahan na ako... ako lang yata ang mukhang batak sa trabaho sa team natin... lagot na... pa'no kaya kita mapu-protect? whew! di bale, baka makaya namin ni jack-jack, our guide...

so we hopped in the truck that will take us to the drop-off point... i forgot the name of the place... dinaldal na ako ng dinaldal ni andrew... and you as you just tried to take a nap or something but occasionally butts in when you felt like it sa conversation namin... it took us almost an hour to reach the drop off point... pagdating sa drop off point... we were instructed on how to don our gears... dapat pantay ang pagkakahigpit ng mga tali sa sides, sa crotch... di masyado mahigpit pero di rin maluwag ang helmet... we were given our paddles... we were taught the basics of paddling... the forwards, the backs, high-five, ano na nga yung term pag parang naka-ready ka lang? i forgot na ... sa CAT, "at ease" yun di ba... hmmm... dimentia effect ito... anyways... so we boarded our raft...

we paddled on the other side and circled for about two minutes... then we were instructed by jack-jack na kailangan natin to dive off the raft para alam natin kung paano ang gagawin in case of emergeny or if ever mag capsize ang raft natin... we were instructed on how to save/get the person from the water to the raft... and how to float while on (in?) the water... one important instruction/reminder (at least according to jack-jack: never let go of your paddle... sa isip ko, ano s'ya hilo? will i choose what will i let go? the paddle or you? kailangan pa bang itanong yun? anyways... ikaw muna lumubog sa water bago ako... i saw how you struggled... whew! lalo akong kinabahan... from then on, i've always checked if your feet was inserted sa mga lines ng raft... di ka pwedeng lumubog sa tubig... may life vest ka na di ka pa rin halos mag-float... goodness... pa'no na kapag tumaob ang bangka natin? argh!

so nung matapos na tayo lahat, we went on to the water rafting experience... nung una, okay pa e.. medyo boring nga ng konti kasi halos palaging smooth yung water... okay lang...at least safe ang feeling ko... okay lang din yung mga waves... bale-wala nga yun sa akin kasi alam kong walang gagawing masama yun... kayang-kaya.. kahit si jackjack lang ang magpaddle kaya yun...

Pinagpahinga tayo saglit because we're approaching na daw yung tinatawag nilang washing machine... tinanong ko kung ano'ng side yung may tendency na umangat if ever... sabi nila yung sa right side daw... so both andrew and i decided na mag-exchange positions tayo... it proved to be one wrong decision... whew! because we did capsized! As I reminisce it now, i regret na nauna mo akong nahawakan... because you didn't know how to swim, yung tendency mo na kumapit kahit kanino/saan e sobrang normal... which made it hard for me na maiangat ka sa water... it would have been best if i was the one who grabbed hold of your vest para ma-pull up kita... as it was, nahirapan ako magpull up... i didn't want you to experience yung ganun [as i've told you, naranasan ko na yun 12 years pa lang ako] but then again, mas gugustuhin ko na ang nangyari... kaysa nawalay ka sa akin that time.. mas di ko matatanggap yun.. di ko sure if makakaya ko tanggapin yun.. dahil i knew for a fact na di talaga tayo lulubog.. it's just that i really didn't want you to have a bad experience.. nung nasa ilalim nga tayo ng tubig, i was screaming to myself na di pwede mangyari yun coz it was your birthday and nothing should go wrong.. that you were with me na mas lalong dapat walang masamang mangyari... When we were rescued I put on a smile - sa 'yo at sa mga nag-rescue sa atin at later sa lahat ng kasama natin. i really should gather myself coz di ko pwede ipakita sa yo na na-rattle ako sa nangyari sa 'yo... i was blaming myself and di ko masabi sa yo na napabayaan kita... i've made a promise to myself that I'll never let go of your hand, and i'll always take care of you-kahit na di mo alam o ayaw mo.. and it was hurting me that in that moment, i've broken that promise.. i know, it would take long before I can ever have a restful/peaceful sleep. Matagal bago yun umalis sa balintataw ko...

We stopped to take a rest and mag-subside ang fear ng group natin. Nagdecide na rin na mag-early lunch na lang para di magaksaya ng time... After that, you grew quiet and palagi mo nang ikinunfirm kay jack-jack if gaano pa karaming "washing machine" ang dadaanan natin... and everytime you asked, it was killing me... Hindi na tayo ipinadaan ni jack-jack sa isa pang mala-"washing machine" [di ko na ma-recall ang tawag dun] na area.. so yun... we just watched the other group passed that area... When we reached the end of the tour, we took a shower and drove off... sleepy ka na... i wanted to tell you na just lean on my shoulder nung nagdu-dose off ka na para mas comfortable ka sana maka-nap pero as timid as i am, di ko pa rin kaya magsalita sa 'yo... We were given a souveneir shirt and a vcd copy of the pictures/videos taken during our tour taken by one of our guides who happened to be a former classmate of yours. It took us a while to ready ourselves kaya nang marealize mo na sobrang magagahol tayo sa oras para di ma-late sa mass, halos mag-tatakbo ka na naman... luckily, we arrived at the AdDU chapel five minutes before the 5 o'clock mass begun. i said my thanks to Him for keeping us safe and for allowing me to share four days with you and your family - it took me 19 months to materialize my plan to see you and to clear things up with you [and yet, wala pa rin akong nasabi-no thank you's, no i am sorry's].

You said you were so hungry so even if we are to meet your mama, yen, and your ate bebong and her family for dinner, you ate snack dun sa burger house na malapit sa AdDU [di ko na rin ma-recall ang name]. Kakakain mo lang, nag-text si mama mo sa yo na malapit na sila dun sa restaurant [God! I can't forget the name of that restaurant! I should not! but for the life of me, I really really can't recall it now.] so, again, nagmamadali na naman tayo...! it seems as if you were always running.. tuloy, i don't know if somebody took away yung pagiging calm mo e... or was it because of my presence? hay...! so we had our dinner - wow1 grabe din mag-order ang bayaw mo.. parang mga 15 adults ang kakain ng pagkain natin! and we were only 7 adults-ikaw, ako, si mama lily, si yen, si ate bebong, si ferds(?) at yaya, 2 kids [your niece and nephew - i am really sorry about forgetting their names - and an infant-si sky [i'll never forget her coz you have talked to me about her nang maraming beses nung nagwa-YM ka pa sa akin!]. You paid the bill and we went home na mga around 8pm na yata tayo natapos.

Alam mo, one thing i regret, di ko naalala na dala ko ang camera ko! God, at least di ka tatanggi magpa-picture if may mga kasama ka at birthday mo pa! Sobra na ang lala ng dimentia ko...! argh!

Anyways, you were too tired na pagkadating natin sa bahay nyo, you went to bed agad.. i didn't know na you slept sa kuwarto nina yen so tumambay pa ako at nakipanuod kina mama lily coz i was at a loss kung ano ang gagawin ko.. until i realized nga na natutulog ka sa kuwarto nila but mama lily told me na nagpapagising ka pag Maging Sino Ka Man na... so i hang around at nanuod na lang ng tv kahit na hinihila na ang katawan ko ng kama para matulog... i kept my eyelids from drooping. They tried to wake you up nung MSKM time na but you didn't budge. I decided a little later na humiga na... nahiya ako magpaalam sa mama mo so i was actually planning to come out again after a while-di ko nga pinatay ang ilaw so that i won't fall asleep. I sent you a SMS asking you what time tayo magprepare para sa lakad natin tomorrow coz i really didn't have an idea kung ano ang plan or napagusapan nyo ni ferds. Siguro mga 15-20 minutes na ako sa kuwarto ng lumabas ka and turned on your PC... magya-YM kay M. Nakahiyaan ko na lumabas kasi it was then that your CP chimed at in-inform ka nang mama mo na may text ka [na galing nga sa akin] so i just pretended to sleep na lang - nakinig na lang pala ako ng MP3 player ko (which contains all the songs sa mga CD that i sent to you)[nalipasan na rin siguro ako ng antok by that time or siguro it was more of hinihintay kita magising]. You went in mga past 11pm na ba yun? Wow...! I hardly slept! I can't sleep. i was completely lost. ang dami dami ng tumatakbo sa isipan ko... yung gusto kong ayusin sa yo lalo yatang lumabo... nadagdagan pa ng nangyari early on sa tour natin... i really badly needed to talk to you-with you. kahit na ano topic, kahit na walang katuturan - and yet we never did talk. That was how the day ended - Happy Birthday!