Para sa yo pa rin... bawat titik, bawat mensahe ng kantang ito ginawa ni "yeng" para sa 'yo... hindi ko alam kung ilang beses na rin at kung anu-anong klaseng paraan ipinaalam ni "yeng" sa 'yo na 24/7 available s'ya para sa 'yo. rain or shine. magparamdam ka lang... tatakbo sya sa tabi mo... no conditions... ang importante lang tinawag mo s'ya... kinailangan. kinaibigan. hindi pa rin s'ya nagsasawa hanggang ngayon, umaasa... kaibigan mo pa rin kahit na wala ka nang imik... naghihintay-walang sawa... sabi nga ni Hyun-woo kay Su-in "I'll never let go of your hand" minsan naitatanong ko sa sarili ko, napanuod kya nya yun?Ü
Hawak Kamay
by Yeng Constantino
Minsan madarama mo kay bigat ng problema
Minsan nahihirapan ka at masasabing “di ko na kaya”
Tumingin ka lang sa langit,
Baka sakaling may masumpungan
O 'di kaya ako’y tawagin...
Malalaman mong kahit kailan...
Hawak-kamay
'Di kita iiwan sa paglakbay
Dito sa mundong walang katiyakan
Hawak-kamay
Di kita bibitawan sa paglalakbay
Sa mundo ng kawalan
Minsan madarama mo
Ang mundo’y gumuho sa ilalim ng iyong mga paa
At ang agos ng problema’y tinatangay ka
Tumingin ka lang sa langit
Baka sakaling may masumpungan
Di kaya ako’y tawagin
Malalaman mong kahit kailan
Wag mong sabihin nag-iisa ka
Laging isipin meron kang kasama
Narito ako oh, Narito ako…
Sa mundo ng kawalan
Hawak kamay... Hawak kamay...
Sa mundo ng kawalan…
Friday, November 24, 2006
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
"I'll Never Let Go of Your Hand..."
Day 4_DAVAO
8th of October
Event: Closing Time...
Today is my last day in Davao... siguro di mo alam na nararamdaman ko ang pagbangon mo. simula pa nung friday, you wanted to make me feel na lumilipat ka sa sala at na mas comfortable ka matulog dun kaysa sa room na pinag-stay-an ko... unfortunately, i really hadn't slept much. at talagang mababaw ang tulog ko at hirap ako matulog kapag may "unfinished business" ako sa taong kasama ko. and sobra ang need ko na makausap kita. at na di ako nagkaroon ng chance at ng lakas ng loob na magkausap tayo. dahil na rin siguro sa sinabi mo days before ako pumunta dyan na there was nothing to talk about and something to that effect na parang walang nangyari. parang hindi nangyari na tumahimik ka na lang bigla and cut your communication with me. twice pa. alam ko di ko rin naman alam kung ano dapat ko sabihin but a great wall was betwen us and i really never felt you beside me. YOU were never with me.you were there because you have to be there because you are compelled to attend to me. alam mo yun? but i am grateful, dahil kahit paano, i saw you. i've been with your family.
no plans were made for the day except my buying pomelo. worried ka na naman at baka sarado ang bilihan nun. can't you relax? did he make you anxious on almost everything at hand? we had breakfast and i took a bath and readied myself na. your mama and i had a really nice talk nung naliligo ka na. mabuti pa si mama lily nakikipag heart-to-heart talk sa akin. nagsi-share sya ng mga saloobin nya sa akin, to think na dapat ikaw ang ganun sa akin coz ikaw yung kaibigan ko. we've had a really nice talk. your mama made me feel na friend ako ng family nyo. that she completely trust me. i wish you were like that to me. because i really do care. you just don't know how important your friendship is to me. i just wish...
so yun, since may lakad din si mama lily, kasabay na natin sya sa taxi. luckily, open ang stores na bilihan ng pomelo. ininsist mo na ikaw magbabayad ng pasalubong mo kina rachie kaya sumobra ang dala ko. the problem with me is that when i set my mind to something, mahirap ma-sway yung decision na yun. naka-set na ang mind ko na bumili ng two sets. one for the NIDSS and one for my cousins. so, since ayaw mo pumayag na di ako ang bumili nung para sa NIDSS, sumbora tuloy ang dala ko. kanino ko na naman kaya ipapamigay ito? whew!
so dala natin yun sa sm coz i needed to buy shirt for rachie na kagabi lang nya itinext na gusto nya nun. e wala nga ako sa wisyo bumili ng pasalubong o magbigay ng kahit ano sa di ko nakatatak sa isip ko at sa puso. kasi ang papasalubungan ko e kasama ko - ikaw pwera sa mga pinsan ko na sumasama sa akin at nagpapatawa sa akin.
we bought lunch - take note! jollibee kasi gusto mo magtipid. ano ka ba? lunch na nga lang e... anyways, so yun.. uwi na tayo. andun na si mama lily. tapos sabi mo kaugalian na yun na after lunch nagtutulugan ang tao sa inyo. gusto ko sanang sabihin sa yo, ano ba ang ipinagkaiba ng family mo sa pamilyang Pilipino. ganun din kami. so i pretended to take a nap as you were taking a nap. mga bandang 145pm, bumuhos na ang ulan. you went out. i think para i-check ulan. and isilong ang shoes ko na nasa labas. balik ka ulit pero di ka na mapakali. na baka kesyo wala tayo makuha taxi, etc. etc. so sabi mo mag-ready na ako.. that was around 230pm. before 3pm, we were boarding the taxi pa-airport. umuulan pa rin - ng malakas. pati mama mo natataranta sa yo. di na tuloy ako nakapag-mano at nakapagpaalam properly because nahawaan mo rin ako ng pagka-worried mo kaya di ako magkandatuto sa bagahe ko. you went to ride the taxi ng hindi nagpayong. ano ka ba?! tahimik ka pa rin sa taxi.. kuwento ng konti tungkol kay mokong but fell silent ulit. i was not in the mood to talk na... the clock was ticking... i felt very very sad na... ano nga ba ang tawag ng bayaw ko dun? separation anxiety... that is how you feel kapag iiwan ka na nang ng taong mahalaga sa yo...
finally, we reached the airport by 3:44pm. my flight was due 5:50pm. there was so much that i wanted to say to you pero wala e. hanggang isip ko na lang yun. nung magbeso-beso ka to bade me goodbye, i wanted to hug you and tell you na i miss you. kaya lang, hanggang thought lang talaga yun.. so yun, i just tried my best smile and waved at you while pushing my baggage cart [i forced myself not to look back until after i was sure you won't see me na...] i checked-in my luggage and whew! i was 8 kilos above the maximum wight limit of baggage that can be checked-in... argh!! since it was too early, i tried to take a nap - i guess, my lack of sleep begun to consume me then... you texted me after about 30 minutes ... "ingat, cat, txt us wen ur in mla na. thank u. god bless. c u soon.Ü" i texted back: "uuy! ang bilis mo a.. anjan ka na agad..." and you politely texted back and then nothing more when i asked back when it's gonna be that i'll see you and you didn't answer back na... i tried to take a nap again... but i couldn't go back. i was too consumed in trying to come up with a good topic and engaged you in SMS conversation... until finally, my flight was called...
we touched down NAIA around 7:30PM but i was able to get my luggage past 8pm already. I deny myself from answering your text to inform you if i've already arrived in manila. i wanted to reach my boarding house first before i text you and your mama lily so that i can truly say that i arrived safe and sound. but it took me a while to hail a cab dahil sobrang haba ng pila kaya i decided to inform you na i'm okay already and texted your mom my thanks and that i'm already in manila safe and sound.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
as of today, november 14, the last message i got from you was on october 9, 2006 (when you answered my YM that day) which read: "hehehe... d2 na cla, cat. tul." you never texted me back when i sent you SMS since then. and the only YM we've had was on October 11, 2006 except the one liner you sent me when i told you about office order no. 156 which read: "hello. depressing nga eh. i'm not happy with my work."
and the only email i got from you since your last email on 09302006 (another forwarded message) was a forwarded message on october 26, 2006...
i guess, i have to accept the fact that you can never see me the way that i see you. that i really mean nothing to you. not a friend, not even isang nakasama mo for more than one year sa trabaho at sa iisang dwelling place and all those times that truly made an impact on me sa yo... nakaka-sad lang pero alam ko naman na ganun talaga sa life... di naman pare-pareho ang thinking at feelings ng tao... kaya okay lang... ang importante naman kung ano yung makakapag-pasaya sa atin... so, i hope that everything about you right now is okay and makes you smile somehow and that everyone around you makes you happy and that life is good to you...
all i can say is that i am truly grateful and thankful that i've known you and i that i have you as my friend... i am truly blessed because of you and your friendship that came to me when i was in one of the lowest moments of my life... i just want you to know that i'm always here and that i'll never let go of your hand not even if it will cost me my life...
Day 4_DAVAO
8th of October
Event: Closing Time...
Today is my last day in Davao... siguro di mo alam na nararamdaman ko ang pagbangon mo. simula pa nung friday, you wanted to make me feel na lumilipat ka sa sala at na mas comfortable ka matulog dun kaysa sa room na pinag-stay-an ko... unfortunately, i really hadn't slept much. at talagang mababaw ang tulog ko at hirap ako matulog kapag may "unfinished business" ako sa taong kasama ko. and sobra ang need ko na makausap kita. at na di ako nagkaroon ng chance at ng lakas ng loob na magkausap tayo. dahil na rin siguro sa sinabi mo days before ako pumunta dyan na there was nothing to talk about and something to that effect na parang walang nangyari. parang hindi nangyari na tumahimik ka na lang bigla and cut your communication with me. twice pa. alam ko di ko rin naman alam kung ano dapat ko sabihin but a great wall was betwen us and i really never felt you beside me. YOU were never with me.you were there because you have to be there because you are compelled to attend to me. alam mo yun? but i am grateful, dahil kahit paano, i saw you. i've been with your family.
no plans were made for the day except my buying pomelo. worried ka na naman at baka sarado ang bilihan nun. can't you relax? did he make you anxious on almost everything at hand? we had breakfast and i took a bath and readied myself na. your mama and i had a really nice talk nung naliligo ka na. mabuti pa si mama lily nakikipag heart-to-heart talk sa akin. nagsi-share sya ng mga saloobin nya sa akin, to think na dapat ikaw ang ganun sa akin coz ikaw yung kaibigan ko. we've had a really nice talk. your mama made me feel na friend ako ng family nyo. that she completely trust me. i wish you were like that to me. because i really do care. you just don't know how important your friendship is to me. i just wish...
so yun, since may lakad din si mama lily, kasabay na natin sya sa taxi. luckily, open ang stores na bilihan ng pomelo. ininsist mo na ikaw magbabayad ng pasalubong mo kina rachie kaya sumobra ang dala ko. the problem with me is that when i set my mind to something, mahirap ma-sway yung decision na yun. naka-set na ang mind ko na bumili ng two sets. one for the NIDSS and one for my cousins. so, since ayaw mo pumayag na di ako ang bumili nung para sa NIDSS, sumbora tuloy ang dala ko. kanino ko na naman kaya ipapamigay ito? whew!
so dala natin yun sa sm coz i needed to buy shirt for rachie na kagabi lang nya itinext na gusto nya nun. e wala nga ako sa wisyo bumili ng pasalubong o magbigay ng kahit ano sa di ko nakatatak sa isip ko at sa puso. kasi ang papasalubungan ko e kasama ko - ikaw pwera sa mga pinsan ko na sumasama sa akin at nagpapatawa sa akin.
we bought lunch - take note! jollibee kasi gusto mo magtipid. ano ka ba? lunch na nga lang e... anyways, so yun.. uwi na tayo. andun na si mama lily. tapos sabi mo kaugalian na yun na after lunch nagtutulugan ang tao sa inyo. gusto ko sanang sabihin sa yo, ano ba ang ipinagkaiba ng family mo sa pamilyang Pilipino. ganun din kami. so i pretended to take a nap as you were taking a nap. mga bandang 145pm, bumuhos na ang ulan. you went out. i think para i-check ulan. and isilong ang shoes ko na nasa labas. balik ka ulit pero di ka na mapakali. na baka kesyo wala tayo makuha taxi, etc. etc. so sabi mo mag-ready na ako.. that was around 230pm. before 3pm, we were boarding the taxi pa-airport. umuulan pa rin - ng malakas. pati mama mo natataranta sa yo. di na tuloy ako nakapag-mano at nakapagpaalam properly because nahawaan mo rin ako ng pagka-worried mo kaya di ako magkandatuto sa bagahe ko. you went to ride the taxi ng hindi nagpayong. ano ka ba?! tahimik ka pa rin sa taxi.. kuwento ng konti tungkol kay mokong but fell silent ulit. i was not in the mood to talk na... the clock was ticking... i felt very very sad na... ano nga ba ang tawag ng bayaw ko dun? separation anxiety... that is how you feel kapag iiwan ka na nang ng taong mahalaga sa yo...
finally, we reached the airport by 3:44pm. my flight was due 5:50pm. there was so much that i wanted to say to you pero wala e. hanggang isip ko na lang yun. nung magbeso-beso ka to bade me goodbye, i wanted to hug you and tell you na i miss you. kaya lang, hanggang thought lang talaga yun.. so yun, i just tried my best smile and waved at you while pushing my baggage cart [i forced myself not to look back until after i was sure you won't see me na...] i checked-in my luggage and whew! i was 8 kilos above the maximum wight limit of baggage that can be checked-in... argh!! since it was too early, i tried to take a nap - i guess, my lack of sleep begun to consume me then... you texted me after about 30 minutes ... "ingat, cat, txt us wen ur in mla na. thank u. god bless. c u soon.Ü" i texted back: "uuy! ang bilis mo a.. anjan ka na agad..." and you politely texted back and then nothing more when i asked back when it's gonna be that i'll see you and you didn't answer back na... i tried to take a nap again... but i couldn't go back. i was too consumed in trying to come up with a good topic and engaged you in SMS conversation... until finally, my flight was called...
we touched down NAIA around 7:30PM but i was able to get my luggage past 8pm already. I deny myself from answering your text to inform you if i've already arrived in manila. i wanted to reach my boarding house first before i text you and your mama lily so that i can truly say that i arrived safe and sound. but it took me a while to hail a cab dahil sobrang haba ng pila kaya i decided to inform you na i'm okay already and texted your mom my thanks and that i'm already in manila safe and sound.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
as of today, november 14, the last message i got from you was on october 9, 2006 (when you answered my YM that day) which read: "hehehe... d2 na cla, cat. tul." you never texted me back when i sent you SMS since then. and the only YM we've had was on October 11, 2006 except the one liner you sent me when i told you about office order no. 156 which read: "hello. depressing nga eh. i'm not happy with my work."
and the only email i got from you since your last email on 09302006 (another forwarded message) was a forwarded message on october 26, 2006...
i guess, i have to accept the fact that you can never see me the way that i see you. that i really mean nothing to you. not a friend, not even isang nakasama mo for more than one year sa trabaho at sa iisang dwelling place and all those times that truly made an impact on me sa yo... nakaka-sad lang pero alam ko naman na ganun talaga sa life... di naman pare-pareho ang thinking at feelings ng tao... kaya okay lang... ang importante naman kung ano yung makakapag-pasaya sa atin... so, i hope that everything about you right now is okay and makes you smile somehow and that everyone around you makes you happy and that life is good to you...
all i can say is that i am truly grateful and thankful that i've known you and i that i have you as my friend... i am truly blessed because of you and your friendship that came to me when i was in one of the lowest moments of my life... i just want you to know that i'm always here and that i'll never let go of your hand not even if it will cost me my life...
"I'll Never Let Go of Your Hand..."
Day 3_DAVAO
7th of October
Event: Eden Nature Park
Again, i had a long night.. sleep was very elusive. i should be sleeping like a log with the water rafting adventure we've had. and yet, sleep hid away from me. i've done a lot of stretching, carefully tried to change my sleeping positions so as not to wake you up/disturb you [sabagay, nakatulog ka ba? alam ko naghihintay ka nang tawag ni M kahapon kasi masama ang loob mo dahil you told me he hadn't greeted you happy birthday kahapon at hanggang bago ka natulog sa kuwarto nina yen. don't know if binati ka nya nung nag-YM kayo o kung nakausap mo sya sa YM. kasi naman, bakit sya pa ang love mo. maghanap ka na lang ng iba. yung deserving sa yo. yung aalagaan ka at di ka papaiyakin. i wish that i could tell you na he's really not into you and that he doesn't deserve you dahil you are too god for him.] and yet i barely slept-3 hours at the most. i was awake when you got up and went in the bathroom. i was fully awake when you pop your head at the door and tell me it was my turn to take a bath. We had breakfast at around 7am because you said that 7:30 ang usapan nyo ni ferds na pick-up in tayo para ihatid sa eden nature park. ano'ng oras na ba dumating si ferds nun? panay na ang reklamo mo e - na di sya maayos kausap, etc. etc. you called your ate bebong's house i think thrice yata to check if he's on his way para pick-up in tayo. me? i was okay lang naman. di naman ako nagmamadali. to be very very honest, i didn't go to davao para mag-sight seeing. i came to davao to see you. makausap ka. makakuwentuhan - nothing more, nothing less. at kahit na, wala pa'ng 5% ng stay ko na kasama ka ay na-realize ko na yung schedule at plan ko, masaya na rin ako kahit paano. What was more important to me was I am spending the days with you. Alam ko mahihirapan na ako na makausap ka nang as in kausap so i am just savoring the moments na kasama kita. pwede na rin yun siguro. masuwerte na nga ako at nagkita pa tayo at na kinakausap mo ako ulit. ganito lang siguro ako kaseryoso makipagkaibigan talaga. sobrang attached. kahit na one-sided lang sa part ko ok lang. wala naman problem.
anyways, so we reached eden park mga 9:45 yata yun. you sounded excited na mag-fishing. we took the tour to eden. but before that, supposed to be kasi 1030 pa ang tour na sasamahan natin dahil puno na yung inabutan natin so sabi mo mag-snack muna tayo kasi nagugutom ka na naman - to which i commented na malamang hindi ka nagugutom kasi kakakain lang natin ng breakfast e. malamang may mild ulcer ka na brought by too much stress at sobrang pag-iisip. i know so coz napagsaanan ko na yang pinagdadaanan mo... anyways, yun nga, kaso mo nung makapag-order na tayo, dumating naman yung tour coordinator at paalis na raw ang tram natin.. so we told her about our order and she asked their restaurant's crew if it was possible na i-cancel ang order natin ok naman. na-cancel pero nagugutom ka nga so tumingin tayo ng pwedeng baunin or kainin during the tour. in-offer nila yung macademia (ba yun?) cookies. so we bought that. tapos nagulat ka sa presyo. hahahaha! kuripot ka rin pala. nun ko lang nalaman na tumitingin ka rin pala sa presyo ng binibili mo.
my first and only picture in davao (except dun sa water rafting natin) was taken in one of the many stops we've had there. Yun yung sa area ng eden na may wishing well. Sabi mo sa akin, when i declined later na kunan mo ako "was it that bad - my shot kaya ayaw mo na magpakuha?" i just smiled coz i didn't really want to tell you i was hurt nung ayaw mong magpakuha nang picture so i decided na wag na lang magpapicture. and i just took photos of the place to erase my sadness. ikaw naman ang ipinunta ko sa davao. hindi naman para makita ang davao. so i just stole shots of you. yung unaware ka at yung di ka nakatingin.
i took a picture of you when you were "making a wish" sa wishing well. 1t rained a lot today. nag-aalala nga ako baka magkasakit ka kasi wala tayong dalang payong. wala ring payong sa tram kaya every stop, bumababa tayo na nauulanan. So the tour ended sa restaurant where we had our lunch. We talked a little coz it was only 11am and the lunch was to be served at 1130. the Kami nAPO sila album was being played over and over during that time that we were in the restaurant and we talked about that. At one point you said that it was Imago or was it Sugarfree who performed APO's Panalangin and I told you it was Moonstar 88. I haven't given you my gift yet kasi. tomorrow pa. and the CD i was to give you included Panalangin version of Moonstar 88. Pero di ko na ipinilit. So yun. and you said bumili ka pala ng album nila. Buti na lang yung Batang-bata Ka Pa APO version talaga ang ni-record ko at hindi yung sa version ng sugar free kasi sabi mo wala na yung limited edition na CD ng APO at yun ngang sa bands.
So we finished lunch at pareho pala tayo di kinakalimutan magdala ng toothbrush. i don't know if na-offend kita nung sabihin ko na dun ako sa pinagtoothbrush-an ko ako pupuwesto. i seldom make a voice of my choice kasi. okay naman. so yun... ayaw tumigil ng ulan...
then nag-fishing na tayo... masaya... masaya mag-fishing... masaya mag-fishing na kasama ka.. kasi di ka masyado marunong mag-fishing hehehehe! joke lang... kasi kahit superficial lang, nakikita kong sumasaya ka... siguro ganito lang talaga ako kababaw... di kasi kita makausap ng as in kinakausap mo talaga ako e... kasi yung way ng pag-uusap natin e yung tipo na kasi nandun ako kaya dapat kausapin mo ako... alam mo yun? yun bang tipo na parang obligation...
you shriek every time you catch a fish... hahaha! i really was having fun... i took a really good shot of you... seryoso ka pa rin dito... siguro alam mo na kinukunan kita... don't worry, i haven't gotten a clear shot of your face.. see for yourself... maganda ang shot ko di ba? i actually want to publish both these shots... i am looking for a photo contest.. gusto ko isali yung sa wishing well, "wishing" ang title ko dun, tapos itong nagpi-fish ka, "still wishing" naman... oks ba? i really, really want to enter these shots sa isang photo contest... wala pa nga lang akong makita... so we caught a lot of fish... two kilos... 8 pieces lahat if i am not mistaken... then pina-clean natin yung fish...
tapos... usap-usap ng kung anu-ano... wala lang... tahimik ka kasi e... so i didn't know if dapat ba akong magsalita o wait ko na lang na magbukas ka ng topic... we were waiting for ferds na to pick us up... i think 3pm ang usapan nyo na pick-up in nya tayo...when ferds informed you [yata] na malapit na sila, sabi mo better na salubungin na lang natin sila.. so we walked to the front gate... kaso mo wala pa rin si ferds, so we decided na tumambay muna sa church na nakita natin earlier.. maganda yung church...'t'was made of glass... tahimik.. as in sobrang tahimik nug church.. tayo lang dalawa ang tao... seryoso ka pa rin... so i just pretended na busy ako sa pag-examine ng place... took some shots sa church... siguro napansin mo na parang restless ako. i pointed you the place in front of the church at sabi ko gusto ko makita yung site na natatanaw ko mula sa church.. so pumasok tayo dun... parang kanugnog yun ng church e... okay naman.. andun pala sa likod nung itinuro ko na parang extension nga ng church yung horse back riding area ng eden park... tumingin-tingin tayo kasi may mga naka-display na work ng artist dun... finally, dumating din si ferds and kasama pala nya si ate bebong mo and the kids. so yun.. nag-stop by tayo dun sa nadaanan natin nung umaga na parang coffee shop na may over-looking. mag-snack sana tayo kaya lang kaka-spray lang nila ng pesticide ba yun kaya umalis din tayo... i took a shot of your niece... i find her smile na maganda.. full smile kasi sya ... ipapadala ko na lang yung copies ng pix ko sa december kasama ng gift ko sa yo...
nakalimutan ko na rin kung saan tayo nag-snack. basta ang alam ko may japanese tunnel yun and pumasok tayo dun. the only picture i have na visible ang face mo ay yung kasama mo sila - ang family ng ate bebong mo. anyways, we had our snack. okay naman mag-open ng topic ang ate bebong mo.. we were able to talk about travelling. nasabi ko kasi na gusto ko talaga mag-travel. sabi nya bakit daw di kita yayain... gustong-gusto ko syang sagutin na matagal na kitang niyayaya kaso wala ka naman sinasabi at gusto ko ring sabihin na i know you'll never come with me... pero syempre, i would sound na parang nanunumbat pag ganun so i just smiled sa kanya... tapos nakarating pa sa usapan sa panunuod ng "high school musical". sabi ko panuorin mo because it was really a good movie - pambata (at ang yabang yabang ko pa na parang alam na alam ko na maganda nga yun when in fact di ko pa napapanuod). so yun,"tinuruan" tayo ni ferds kung paano ang masarap na tilapia. di ko naman masabi na alam ko na yung timpla nya... so yun... we dropped by a convenient store to buy foil kasi di mo sure if meron kayo sa bahay nyo.
i cleaned and preapared the fish tapos naghiwa ng mga ingredients except sa onions. luluha talaga ako pag ako ang naghiwa nun kasi may sinusitis ako e... so ikaw na dun.. then isinalang na natin yung fish. tapos, nagpaalam ako sandali and instructed you to tell me if may 30 minutes na para i-check natin if luto na. so nagligpit na ako ng things ko kasi last night ko na ngayon e. tomorrow afternoon na ang flight ko at namumroblema na ako kung paano ko pagkakasyahin ang pinamili ko na di ko alam bat ko pinagbibili sa bag ko... kaso mo, nangahas ka na marunong kang magluto kaya yun, napaso ka tuloy kasi di mo alam kung paano inaalis ang takip nung frying pan na pinag-"steam"-an natin... sus! kainis ka talaga. yan, tuloy! napaso ka pa... dagdag na naman sa guilt ko yan... di ko tuloy alam kung paano ka aasikasuhin.. tinataranta mo na naman ako... hay.. kailan ka kaya magki-care sa pag-aalala ko sa yo? anyways, the fish turned out to be good. ang sarap nga ng kain ni mama lily e... kaya lang halos di ka kumain.. siguro di masarap at sinabi mo na lang na busog ka pa.. sabagay kakakain lang natin pero kahit na... di mo man lang in-appreciate ang luto natin... sad tuloy ako... anyways, kailangan daw magvideoke tayo sa last night ko. di ko alam kung tutuo ba yun o ikaw nag-plan nun... so yen and i sang songs kasi busy ka sa pagwa-YM [finally yata e binati ka rin ni mokong. ba't ganun? sabi mo kakalimutan mo na sya pag nakalimutan nya birthday mo. e nakalimutan nga nung mokong na yun..grrr!!! sasapakin ko talaga yun pag nagkita kami!] nakisama naman ang player nyo kasi i got good scores. i wanted you to listen to all the songs i sang coz gusto kong ikanta lahat yun sa yo. it's either about how i want you to know kung gaano ka-importante sa aking yung friendship mo. yung iba naman regarding sa alam ko how you feel kay mokong at sa pag-alis nya. pinaka-importante yung "Having you near me" ng air supply kasi ala ako makita sa file ni dennis nun e... nawala lang ako sa superman kasi iba yung lyrics saka si yen ang nag-request na kantahin ko yun. the songs na na-remember ko na kinanta ko were: tuwing umuulan, can't take my eyes off of you, having you near me, superman, words, steep, maghihintay sa yo, half crazy at last song ko ang if you walked away. importante din yung if you walked away. pag familiar ka sa lyrics ng lahat ng kinanta ko, you'll find mostly yung gusto kong sabihin sayo. at one point, gusto ko ng kantahan si mama mo ng come what may by air supply. theme song ko yun sa nanay ko. gusto kong sabihin sa kanya na idini-dedicate ko ang kantang yun sa lahat ng mothers na kahit kailan di nawawala ang faith at love sa kanilang anak. at dahil i look up to her as my second mom dahil sa pag-aalaga nya sa inyo sa hindi nya pag-give kay yen at sa kuya mo. that song is very important to me at yun lang ang song na i know by heart at di ko nakakalimutan hanggang ngayon.
anyways, so yun. natapos na tayo ng 12:05am. again, you were quiet. i tried to open up a topic so that i can talk to you na kaso you were browsing the bible na so i just shut up and for the third night, pretended to sleep. ang dami mong text messages na natanggap tonight. tumigil lang yata kayo around 3am. palagi ka na lang nyang pinupuyat. nung andito sya, tinatawagan at kinakausap ka rin nya ng alanganing oras, hanggang ngayon ba naman na nasa dubai na sya, ganun pa rin sya. di man lang nya inaalala ang health mo. di ba nya alam na nanglalalim na yang mata mo sa puyat at namamayat ka na ng kakaisip sa kanya? you're showing signs din na may mild ulcer ka na. believe it or not, effect yan ng sobrang pag-iisip.. pinagdaanan ko na rin yang pinagdaraanan mo...
tomorrow, paalis na ako and yet, di pa rin kita nakakausap.. but i am thanking Him because He gave me this chance to be with you. kahit na you are not with me dahil alam kong kasama kita physically but your heart and mind ay somewhere else.
Day 3_DAVAO
7th of October
Event: Eden Nature Park
Again, i had a long night.. sleep was very elusive. i should be sleeping like a log with the water rafting adventure we've had. and yet, sleep hid away from me. i've done a lot of stretching, carefully tried to change my sleeping positions so as not to wake you up/disturb you [sabagay, nakatulog ka ba? alam ko naghihintay ka nang tawag ni M kahapon kasi masama ang loob mo dahil you told me he hadn't greeted you happy birthday kahapon at hanggang bago ka natulog sa kuwarto nina yen. don't know if binati ka nya nung nag-YM kayo o kung nakausap mo sya sa YM. kasi naman, bakit sya pa ang love mo. maghanap ka na lang ng iba. yung deserving sa yo. yung aalagaan ka at di ka papaiyakin. i wish that i could tell you na he's really not into you and that he doesn't deserve you dahil you are too god for him.] and yet i barely slept-3 hours at the most. i was awake when you got up and went in the bathroom. i was fully awake when you pop your head at the door and tell me it was my turn to take a bath. We had breakfast at around 7am because you said that 7:30 ang usapan nyo ni ferds na pick-up in tayo para ihatid sa eden nature park. ano'ng oras na ba dumating si ferds nun? panay na ang reklamo mo e - na di sya maayos kausap, etc. etc. you called your ate bebong's house i think thrice yata to check if he's on his way para pick-up in tayo. me? i was okay lang naman. di naman ako nagmamadali. to be very very honest, i didn't go to davao para mag-sight seeing. i came to davao to see you. makausap ka. makakuwentuhan - nothing more, nothing less. at kahit na, wala pa'ng 5% ng stay ko na kasama ka ay na-realize ko na yung schedule at plan ko, masaya na rin ako kahit paano. What was more important to me was I am spending the days with you. Alam ko mahihirapan na ako na makausap ka nang as in kausap so i am just savoring the moments na kasama kita. pwede na rin yun siguro. masuwerte na nga ako at nagkita pa tayo at na kinakausap mo ako ulit. ganito lang siguro ako kaseryoso makipagkaibigan talaga. sobrang attached. kahit na one-sided lang sa part ko ok lang. wala naman problem.
anyways, so we reached eden park mga 9:45 yata yun. you sounded excited na mag-fishing. we took the tour to eden. but before that, supposed to be kasi 1030 pa ang tour na sasamahan natin dahil puno na yung inabutan natin so sabi mo mag-snack muna tayo kasi nagugutom ka na naman - to which i commented na malamang hindi ka nagugutom kasi kakakain lang natin ng breakfast e. malamang may mild ulcer ka na brought by too much stress at sobrang pag-iisip. i know so coz napagsaanan ko na yang pinagdadaanan mo... anyways, yun nga, kaso mo nung makapag-order na tayo, dumating naman yung tour coordinator at paalis na raw ang tram natin.. so we told her about our order and she asked their restaurant's crew if it was possible na i-cancel ang order natin ok naman. na-cancel pero nagugutom ka nga so tumingin tayo ng pwedeng baunin or kainin during the tour. in-offer nila yung macademia (ba yun?) cookies. so we bought that. tapos nagulat ka sa presyo. hahahaha! kuripot ka rin pala. nun ko lang nalaman na tumitingin ka rin pala sa presyo ng binibili mo.
my first and only picture in davao (except dun sa water rafting natin) was taken in one of the many stops we've had there. Yun yung sa area ng eden na may wishing well. Sabi mo sa akin, when i declined later na kunan mo ako "was it that bad - my shot kaya ayaw mo na magpakuha?" i just smiled coz i didn't really want to tell you i was hurt nung ayaw mong magpakuha nang picture so i decided na wag na lang magpapicture. and i just took photos of the place to erase my sadness. ikaw naman ang ipinunta ko sa davao. hindi naman para makita ang davao. so i just stole shots of you. yung unaware ka at yung di ka nakatingin.
i took a picture of you when you were "making a wish" sa wishing well. 1t rained a lot today. nag-aalala nga ako baka magkasakit ka kasi wala tayong dalang payong. wala ring payong sa tram kaya every stop, bumababa tayo na nauulanan. So the tour ended sa restaurant where we had our lunch. We talked a little coz it was only 11am and the lunch was to be served at 1130. the Kami nAPO sila album was being played over and over during that time that we were in the restaurant and we talked about that. At one point you said that it was Imago or was it Sugarfree who performed APO's Panalangin and I told you it was Moonstar 88. I haven't given you my gift yet kasi. tomorrow pa. and the CD i was to give you included Panalangin version of Moonstar 88. Pero di ko na ipinilit. So yun. and you said bumili ka pala ng album nila. Buti na lang yung Batang-bata Ka Pa APO version talaga ang ni-record ko at hindi yung sa version ng sugar free kasi sabi mo wala na yung limited edition na CD ng APO at yun ngang sa bands.
So we finished lunch at pareho pala tayo di kinakalimutan magdala ng toothbrush. i don't know if na-offend kita nung sabihin ko na dun ako sa pinagtoothbrush-an ko ako pupuwesto. i seldom make a voice of my choice kasi. okay naman. so yun... ayaw tumigil ng ulan...
then nag-fishing na tayo... masaya... masaya mag-fishing... masaya mag-fishing na kasama ka.. kasi di ka masyado marunong mag-fishing hehehehe! joke lang... kasi kahit superficial lang, nakikita kong sumasaya ka... siguro ganito lang talaga ako kababaw... di kasi kita makausap ng as in kinakausap mo talaga ako e... kasi yung way ng pag-uusap natin e yung tipo na kasi nandun ako kaya dapat kausapin mo ako... alam mo yun? yun bang tipo na parang obligation...
you shriek every time you catch a fish... hahaha! i really was having fun... i took a really good shot of you... seryoso ka pa rin dito... siguro alam mo na kinukunan kita... don't worry, i haven't gotten a clear shot of your face.. see for yourself... maganda ang shot ko di ba? i actually want to publish both these shots... i am looking for a photo contest.. gusto ko isali yung sa wishing well, "wishing" ang title ko dun, tapos itong nagpi-fish ka, "still wishing" naman... oks ba? i really, really want to enter these shots sa isang photo contest... wala pa nga lang akong makita... so we caught a lot of fish... two kilos... 8 pieces lahat if i am not mistaken... then pina-clean natin yung fish...
tapos... usap-usap ng kung anu-ano... wala lang... tahimik ka kasi e... so i didn't know if dapat ba akong magsalita o wait ko na lang na magbukas ka ng topic... we were waiting for ferds na to pick us up... i think 3pm ang usapan nyo na pick-up in nya tayo...when ferds informed you [yata] na malapit na sila, sabi mo better na salubungin na lang natin sila.. so we walked to the front gate... kaso mo wala pa rin si ferds, so we decided na tumambay muna sa church na nakita natin earlier.. maganda yung church...'t'was made of glass... tahimik.. as in sobrang tahimik nug church.. tayo lang dalawa ang tao... seryoso ka pa rin... so i just pretended na busy ako sa pag-examine ng place... took some shots sa church... siguro napansin mo na parang restless ako. i pointed you the place in front of the church at sabi ko gusto ko makita yung site na natatanaw ko mula sa church.. so pumasok tayo dun... parang kanugnog yun ng church e... okay naman.. andun pala sa likod nung itinuro ko na parang extension nga ng church yung horse back riding area ng eden park... tumingin-tingin tayo kasi may mga naka-display na work ng artist dun... finally, dumating din si ferds and kasama pala nya si ate bebong mo and the kids. so yun.. nag-stop by tayo dun sa nadaanan natin nung umaga na parang coffee shop na may over-looking. mag-snack sana tayo kaya lang kaka-spray lang nila ng pesticide ba yun kaya umalis din tayo... i took a shot of your niece... i find her smile na maganda.. full smile kasi sya ... ipapadala ko na lang yung copies ng pix ko sa december kasama ng gift ko sa yo...
nakalimutan ko na rin kung saan tayo nag-snack. basta ang alam ko may japanese tunnel yun and pumasok tayo dun. the only picture i have na visible ang face mo ay yung kasama mo sila - ang family ng ate bebong mo. anyways, we had our snack. okay naman mag-open ng topic ang ate bebong mo.. we were able to talk about travelling. nasabi ko kasi na gusto ko talaga mag-travel. sabi nya bakit daw di kita yayain... gustong-gusto ko syang sagutin na matagal na kitang niyayaya kaso wala ka naman sinasabi at gusto ko ring sabihin na i know you'll never come with me... pero syempre, i would sound na parang nanunumbat pag ganun so i just smiled sa kanya... tapos nakarating pa sa usapan sa panunuod ng "high school musical". sabi ko panuorin mo because it was really a good movie - pambata (at ang yabang yabang ko pa na parang alam na alam ko na maganda nga yun when in fact di ko pa napapanuod). so yun,"tinuruan" tayo ni ferds kung paano ang masarap na tilapia. di ko naman masabi na alam ko na yung timpla nya... so yun... we dropped by a convenient store to buy foil kasi di mo sure if meron kayo sa bahay nyo.
i cleaned and preapared the fish tapos naghiwa ng mga ingredients except sa onions. luluha talaga ako pag ako ang naghiwa nun kasi may sinusitis ako e... so ikaw na dun.. then isinalang na natin yung fish. tapos, nagpaalam ako sandali and instructed you to tell me if may 30 minutes na para i-check natin if luto na. so nagligpit na ako ng things ko kasi last night ko na ngayon e. tomorrow afternoon na ang flight ko at namumroblema na ako kung paano ko pagkakasyahin ang pinamili ko na di ko alam bat ko pinagbibili sa bag ko... kaso mo, nangahas ka na marunong kang magluto kaya yun, napaso ka tuloy kasi di mo alam kung paano inaalis ang takip nung frying pan na pinag-"steam"-an natin... sus! kainis ka talaga. yan, tuloy! napaso ka pa... dagdag na naman sa guilt ko yan... di ko tuloy alam kung paano ka aasikasuhin.. tinataranta mo na naman ako... hay.. kailan ka kaya magki-care sa pag-aalala ko sa yo? anyways, the fish turned out to be good. ang sarap nga ng kain ni mama lily e... kaya lang halos di ka kumain.. siguro di masarap at sinabi mo na lang na busog ka pa.. sabagay kakakain lang natin pero kahit na... di mo man lang in-appreciate ang luto natin... sad tuloy ako... anyways, kailangan daw magvideoke tayo sa last night ko. di ko alam kung tutuo ba yun o ikaw nag-plan nun... so yen and i sang songs kasi busy ka sa pagwa-YM [finally yata e binati ka rin ni mokong. ba't ganun? sabi mo kakalimutan mo na sya pag nakalimutan nya birthday mo. e nakalimutan nga nung mokong na yun..grrr!!! sasapakin ko talaga yun pag nagkita kami!] nakisama naman ang player nyo kasi i got good scores. i wanted you to listen to all the songs i sang coz gusto kong ikanta lahat yun sa yo. it's either about how i want you to know kung gaano ka-importante sa aking yung friendship mo. yung iba naman regarding sa alam ko how you feel kay mokong at sa pag-alis nya. pinaka-importante yung "Having you near me" ng air supply kasi ala ako makita sa file ni dennis nun e... nawala lang ako sa superman kasi iba yung lyrics saka si yen ang nag-request na kantahin ko yun. the songs na na-remember ko na kinanta ko were: tuwing umuulan, can't take my eyes off of you, having you near me, superman, words, steep, maghihintay sa yo, half crazy at last song ko ang if you walked away. importante din yung if you walked away. pag familiar ka sa lyrics ng lahat ng kinanta ko, you'll find mostly yung gusto kong sabihin sayo. at one point, gusto ko ng kantahan si mama mo ng come what may by air supply. theme song ko yun sa nanay ko. gusto kong sabihin sa kanya na idini-dedicate ko ang kantang yun sa lahat ng mothers na kahit kailan di nawawala ang faith at love sa kanilang anak. at dahil i look up to her as my second mom dahil sa pag-aalaga nya sa inyo sa hindi nya pag-give kay yen at sa kuya mo. that song is very important to me at yun lang ang song na i know by heart at di ko nakakalimutan hanggang ngayon.
anyways, so yun. natapos na tayo ng 12:05am. again, you were quiet. i tried to open up a topic so that i can talk to you na kaso you were browsing the bible na so i just shut up and for the third night, pretended to sleep. ang dami mong text messages na natanggap tonight. tumigil lang yata kayo around 3am. palagi ka na lang nyang pinupuyat. nung andito sya, tinatawagan at kinakausap ka rin nya ng alanganing oras, hanggang ngayon ba naman na nasa dubai na sya, ganun pa rin sya. di man lang nya inaalala ang health mo. di ba nya alam na nanglalalim na yang mata mo sa puyat at namamayat ka na ng kakaisip sa kanya? you're showing signs din na may mild ulcer ka na. believe it or not, effect yan ng sobrang pag-iisip.. pinagdaanan ko na rin yang pinagdaraanan mo...
tomorrow, paalis na ako and yet, di pa rin kita nakakausap.. but i am thanking Him because He gave me this chance to be with you. kahit na you are not with me dahil alam kong kasama kita physically but your heart and mind ay somewhere else.
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