"I'll Never Let Go of Your Hand..."
Day 4_DAVAO
8th of October
Event: Closing Time...

Today is my last day in Davao... siguro di mo alam na nararamdaman ko ang pagbangon mo. simula pa nung friday, you wanted to make me feel na lumilipat ka sa sala at na mas comfortable ka matulog dun kaysa sa room na pinag-stay-an ko... unfortunately, i really hadn't slept much. at talagang mababaw ang tulog ko at hirap ako matulog kapag may "unfinished business" ako sa taong kasama ko. and sobra ang need ko na makausap kita. at na di ako nagkaroon ng chance at ng lakas ng loob na magkausap tayo. dahil na rin siguro sa sinabi mo days before ako pumunta dyan na there was nothing to talk about and something to that effect na parang walang nangyari. parang hindi nangyari na tumahimik ka na lang bigla and cut your communication with me. twice pa. alam ko di ko rin naman alam kung ano dapat ko sabihin but a great wall was betwen us and i really never felt you beside me. YOU were never with me.you were there because you have to be there because you are compelled to attend to me. alam mo yun? but i am grateful, dahil kahit paano, i saw you. i've been with your family.

no plans were made for the day except my buying pomelo. worried ka na naman at baka sarado ang bilihan nun. can't you relax? did he make you anxious on almost everything at hand? we had breakfast and i took a bath and readied myself na. your mama and i had a really nice talk nung naliligo ka na. mabuti pa si mama lily nakikipag heart-to-heart talk sa akin. nagsi-share sya ng mga saloobin nya sa akin, to think na dapat ikaw ang ganun sa akin coz ikaw yung kaibigan ko. we've had a really nice talk. your mama made me feel na friend ako ng family nyo. that she completely trust me. i wish you were like that to me. because i really do care. you just don't know how important your friendship is to me. i just wish...

so yun, since may lakad din si mama lily, kasabay na natin sya sa taxi. luckily, open ang stores na bilihan ng pomelo. ininsist mo na ikaw magbabayad ng pasalubong mo kina rachie kaya sumobra ang dala ko. the problem with me is that when i set my mind to something, mahirap ma-sway yung decision na yun. naka-set na ang mind ko na bumili ng two sets. one for the NIDSS and one for my cousins. so, since ayaw mo pumayag na di ako ang bumili nung para sa NIDSS, sumbora tuloy ang dala ko. kanino ko na naman kaya ipapamigay ito? whew!

so dala natin yun sa sm coz i needed to buy shirt for rachie na kagabi lang nya itinext na gusto nya nun. e wala nga ako sa wisyo bumili ng pasalubong o magbigay ng kahit ano sa di ko nakatatak sa isip ko at sa puso. kasi ang papasalubungan ko e kasama ko - ikaw pwera sa mga pinsan ko na sumasama sa akin at nagpapatawa sa akin.

we bought lunch - take note! jollibee kasi gusto mo magtipid. ano ka ba? lunch na nga lang e... anyways, so yun.. uwi na tayo. andun na si mama lily. tapos sabi mo kaugalian na yun na after lunch nagtutulugan ang tao sa inyo. gusto ko sanang sabihin sa yo, ano ba ang ipinagkaiba ng family mo sa pamilyang Pilipino. ganun din kami. so i pretended to take a nap as you were taking a nap. mga bandang 145pm, bumuhos na ang ulan. you went out. i think para i-check ulan. and isilong ang shoes ko na nasa labas. balik ka ulit pero di ka na mapakali. na baka kesyo wala tayo makuha taxi, etc. etc. so sabi mo mag-ready na ako.. that was around 230pm. before 3pm, we were boarding the taxi pa-airport. umuulan pa rin - ng malakas. pati mama mo natataranta sa yo. di na tuloy ako nakapag-mano at nakapagpaalam properly because nahawaan mo rin ako ng pagka-worried mo kaya di ako magkandatuto sa bagahe ko. you went to ride the taxi ng hindi nagpayong. ano ka ba?! tahimik ka pa rin sa taxi.. kuwento ng konti tungkol kay mokong but fell silent ulit. i was not in the mood to talk na... the clock was ticking... i felt very very sad na... ano nga ba ang tawag ng bayaw ko dun? separation anxiety... that is how you feel kapag iiwan ka na nang ng taong mahalaga sa yo...

finally, we reached the airport by 3:44pm. my flight was due 5:50pm. there was so much that i wanted to say to you pero wala e. hanggang isip ko na lang yun. nung magbeso-beso ka to bade me goodbye, i wanted to hug you and tell you na i miss you. kaya lang, hanggang thought lang talaga yun.. so yun, i just tried my best smile and waved at you while pushing my baggage cart [i forced myself not to look back until after i was sure you won't see me na...] i checked-in my luggage and whew! i was 8 kilos above the maximum wight limit of baggage that can be checked-in... argh!! since it was too early, i tried to take a nap - i guess, my lack of sleep begun to consume me then... you texted me after about 30 minutes ... "ingat, cat, txt us wen ur in mla na. thank u. god bless. c u soon.Ü" i texted back: "uuy! ang bilis mo a.. anjan ka na agad..." and you politely texted back and then nothing more when i asked back when it's gonna be that i'll see you and you didn't answer back na... i tried to take a nap again... but i couldn't go back. i was too consumed in trying to come up with a good topic and engaged you in SMS conversation... until finally, my flight was called...

we touched down NAIA around 7:30PM but i was able to get my luggage past 8pm already. I deny myself from answering your text to inform you if i've already arrived in manila. i wanted to reach my boarding house first before i text you and your mama lily so that i can truly say that i arrived safe and sound. but it took me a while to hail a cab dahil sobrang haba ng pila kaya i decided to inform you na i'm okay already and texted your mom my thanks and that i'm already in manila safe and sound.
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as of today, november 14, the last message i got from you was on october 9, 2006 (when you answered my YM that day) which read: "hehehe... d2 na cla, cat. tul." you never texted me back when i sent you SMS since then. and the only YM we've had was on October 11, 2006 except the one liner you sent me when i told you about office order no. 156 which read: "hello. depressing nga eh. i'm not happy with my work."
and the only email i got from you since your last email on 09302006 (another forwarded message) was a forwarded message on october 26, 2006...

i guess, i have to accept the fact that you can never see me the way that i see you. that i really mean nothing to you. not a friend, not even isang nakasama mo for more than one year sa trabaho at sa iisang dwelling place and all those times that truly made an impact on me sa yo... nakaka-sad lang pero alam ko naman na ganun talaga sa life... di naman pare-pareho ang thinking at feelings ng tao... kaya okay lang... ang importante naman kung ano yung makakapag-pasaya sa atin... so, i hope that everything about you right now is okay and makes you smile somehow and that everyone around you makes you happy and that life is good to you...

all i can say is that i am truly grateful and thankful that i've known you and i that i have you as my friend... i am truly blessed because of you and your friendship that came to me when i was in one of the lowest moments of my life... i just want you to know that i'm always here and that i'll never let go of your hand not even if it will cost me my life...